Rest Isn’t Earned

Alyssa Pendon (she/her)

Editorial Team Member

I was so scared entering my junior year. Everyone said that it was going to be the hardest year and to be ready. So I did everything I could to be ready. 

I asked my friends for advice, watched countless TikTok and YouTube videos about back-to-school tips, and even deep-cleaned my room all before the inevitable. 

The first half of it was fine. I mean, my grades were kinda mid, but I was having a lot of fun with friends and my extracurriculars. My school’s Operation Snowball (school club focused on creating positive environments within schools through mental health and prevention advocacy) retreat had reached the highest number of participants since Covid. I ran at Cross Country sectionals for the first time. My school's Ecological Concerns Organization smashed over 400 pumpkins at our Pumpkin smash, and my speech season was going well. I was gaining acne for the first time, but everything was going well, and I was hopeful for the second semester. 

By second semester, things were going well, but it always felt like I was behind. No matter how many breaks I took or even when I was handling all my responsibilities, it always felt like something was missing. Like every time I caught up with my schoolwork, I was falling behind in building my organizations. But I kept working every day no matter what. I ended up writing my best piece of work yet on my school’s walkout, I competed at the Business Professionals of America State competition for a marketing event, successfully lead my french club table at the cultural fair, accept my school’s Operation Snowball award by giving an impromptu speech for 100+ people, received an award for one of my pieces at the school newspaper, and got to run at sectionals for Track. I also successfully gained more volunteers for my organizations outside of school and launched a magazine. Somehow I also finished all my AP tests (6 by the way) and was able to consider my junior year a success. I had achieved so much! 

Once summer hit, though, I firmly decided I needed to take a break. I had done a lot of work, but I needed to rest before I could get back to working. But internship start times interfered with my ‘break’ and random work started appearing on my desk. So even though I was ‘resting ’, it wasn’t really a break. I also had procrastinated studying for my ACT, which got me a scolding from my dad. 

So even during summer, I was working all the time. It was fun to have a break from school, but I was still always chasing whatever was next on my to-do list. 

Eventually, CGTI (Cerbin Goodman Teen Institute, a sister program to Operation Snowball but a leadership conference in the summer) was approaching, and I tried to cram everything I could so I could be stress-free  for the conference. Safe to say the to-do list never ends, so no, I didn’t finish. 

But being present for 6 days straight actually brought me the clarity I needed this whole time. I was so busy facilitating discussion groups, workshops, leading free time activities, and just being a person. I was meeting new people all across the state while reconnecting with my friends I had met at my time at CGTI. From debriefs on the elevator, late-night talks, and early morning walks to meetings. I didn’t end up having time for a lot of organizational work or applying to opportunities. I actually ended up missing two application deadlines for two councils I wanted to apply to. 

Even though I was so busy, I was so worried that everything at home was going to crumble. That people would be disinterested in my organizations, not do their work, or literally everything would stop without me. But when I eventually came back, honestly not much had really changed. Everything was still basically the same. 

By actually letting myself breathe and be myself, I was able to understand more of who I am while not having the weight of the world on me. Just because I’m not a productivity machine doesn't mean I can’t still be ambitious. I was putting such a high standard on myself to do do do that I forgot the whole reasoning behind my work:which is to create spaces for others to become themselves. Because throughout the past year of my life, I’ve been so focused on doing the next thing that I forgot I can also still be goofy and do things for fun. So I’m still ambitious, driven, and determined. But I can also rest, be playful, and live at the same time. Because the best ideas and work come from a strong balance between work and play.